The Kimchi Chronicles

Rant

Posted on 2/28/2010 at 9:34:15 PM

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written anything of substance, but to be perfectly honest, I just haven’t been in the mood to write anything. This weekend marks 6 months since I’ve been in Korea, and while 80% of the time, I’ve been having the time of my life, the other 20% hasn’t been so easy. People usually tend to post all the good, fun, and interesting things that happen, and the negatives tend to be pushed aside or ignored entirely. I’ve decided that I’m going to write about that 20% in this post. Please be aware that it mainly consists of personal things that I’ve gone through here, and my observations about this country, and people in general.

So, as mentioned before, I’ve been in Korea for 6 months already. You’d think I’d be out and about celebrating this weekend, but I’m not. I have a three day weekend, and I’ve mainly spent it alone. I went to the movies by myself. I cooked Chicken piccata over angel hair pasta yesterday and ate by myself. I have leftovers that will last me the next 3 days because I’m the only one who will be eating it. I went out to grab a cup of coffee by myself. And I listen to music, read books, and live by myself. I think I’ve made it clear that I spend a lot of time alone. At school, about a handful of the teachers speak English, so I don’t really talk to any of the other teachers because either (A.) they’re all too busy, or (B.) they’re too shy to strike up a conversation with me (the fact that I tend to be reserved probably doesn’t help). I hear stories of some of my friends who go out with their co-workers and they’re invited places, etc. Essentially, I’m isolated from everyone. I spent the majority of the winter in my office on the 5th floor of my school without seeing anyone for the entire day (the kids were on winter break). No one checks up on me to see how I’m doing. No one asks if I’m ok or if I’m adjusting to living away from everything I’ve ever known. My coteacher is nice, but she’s wrapped up in her own business and frankly, she isn’t the most dependable person. My 6th graders graduated a couple of weeks ago, and no one told me about it. It would have been nice to see them graduate and say bye to them. At times, I feel like I’m just that foreign person that no one really pays attention to.

I will admit, I do enjoy my alone time a lot more than most people do, but there’s a fine line between solitude and loneliness, and unfortunately I’ve been experiencing the latter a little too frequently lately. I’ve never been much of a social butterfly and usually tend to be more of an observant wallflower more than anything else. There are very few people (back home and here) that I choose to spend my time with, so when I spend time with those people, they’re very special to me. The other day someone told me it was best not to get too attached because the pain of separating once this is over it going to be ten times worse than what it already will be. In a way, this comment hurt me because it made me feel as if the time we have here will be completely forgotten once we all go our separate ways. For some people, that may be true, but for me it’s impossible to just erase these special memories. I DO get attached because I care. Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive, but it hurts being pushed aside or overlooked when all you do is be kind to people. Maybe I spend so much time alone because I’m tired of people hurting me. So much for wearing my heart on my sleeve. I’m tired of all these people with the emotional capacity of a teaspoon. Screw you all.